Perfection

The issue of perfectionism can be ugly and mean inside your own head. No one on the outside sees any hint of what you are disgusted with, and so it can be lonely as well. There is an enemy you must fight. Alone. Elder Samuelson described: 

" Interestingly, often those who struggle the most with issues of perfectionism are among the most talented people. They have often been excellent students, model children, and outstanding young people. Some, however, become so obsessed or consumed with their every thought, action, and response, that they may become far too extreme in their own perceptions of what is expected of them...

"Those suffering from perfectionism tend to be wonderful, contributing, and effective people, and yet may feel that no matter what they do, it is never enough. These good people suffer from exaggerating their minor mistakes, weaknesses, or shortcomings to the point that they may become dysfunctional" (Elder Samuelson, March 2002).

Last October I came to the realization that I had become dysfunctional, as Elder Samuelson said. Understanding where I was at has lead to some extreme differences and huge blessings in my life. I realized I could show my imperfections, my anguish, and my desires (my humanity) to my family. And that changed everything for the better. I did not destroy anything, I was not selfish or mean, I did not hurt anyone. I allowed them to feel with me as they wanted to. 


After I shared my emotions with my family, it was if I felt permission to be human. I felt courage to move on with what I felt was what I should do, even knowing that I was not 100% emotionally stable, I didn't have everything 100% planned out, and I didn't know 100% how my life was going to go. In other words, I was not perfect. 

One of the distinctions in the chart in the last post really enlightened me was this: Doing your best means "Trying to do your best and perfecting yourself “line upon line” with the Savior’s help is Christ-centered because you need the Atonement" While perfectionism means "Perfectionism is self-centered. You measure yourself against your own standards and against others’ standards, not God’s."

It is so easy in my effort to try and follow Christ to hold myself to standards that are not Christ's. My desire is to be like him, but I try to do it by enforcing my own impossible standards. In actuality, Christ is the reason I have room to be imperfect - a space meet for repentance. Elder Holland said:

"I testify that in this and every hour He is, with nail-scarred hands, extending to us that same grace, holding on to us and encouraging us, refusing to let us go until we are safely home in the embrace of Heavenly Parents. For such a perfect moment, I continue to strive, however clumsily. For such a perfect gift, I continue to give thanks, however inadequately" (Elder Holland, October 2017)

This perfect Christ teaches us: “Ye are not able to abide the presence of God now, neither the ministering of angels; wherefore, continue in patience until ye are perfected” (D&C 67:13). Elder Samuelson, quoting this scripture said: 

"This is good advice for all of us... Be sure that you do not have higher standards for yourself or others than the Lord has established. Find satisfaction in your progress while acknowledging that perfection may still be distant"  (Elder Samuelson, March 2002).

Elder Holland said: "In any case, I am grateful to know that in spite of my imperfections, at least God is perfect—that at least He is, for example, able to love His enemies, because too often, due to the “natural man”6 and woman in us, you and I are sometimes that enemy (Elder Holland, October 2017).

I am grateful that Jesus defends me and protects me. I still struggle - tremendously sometimes. It is complicated to be both the attacker and the victim. To be so stuck in inadequacy that cannot be escaped because perfection is not possible. Only Christ is so perfect that he can understand all the pieces of my dysfunctional heart and miraculously show me I matter and I'm enough. He is Perfection.